10 Questions Men Are Dying to Ask Their Women, But Apparently Are Too Afraid, According To Redbook

by Elizabeth G.

Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows I have a perhaps unhealthy love for everything on Jezebel (except the gossip; still not on that train).  Just this morning, they posted an article about  a Redbook men’s advice columnist in regards to a series of questions that men are dying to ask their girlfriends and wives about their confusing, mysterious behaviour. I’m not sure what the actual article suggested the answers were, but the answers given by Jezebel’s Tracy Moore were pretty spot on.  I couldn’t help but wonder, how would  answer those questions if asked by my man?  And thus, a blog post was born.

Why so many shoes?

My husband easily has as many pairs of shoes as I do, and half of my shoes are shoes he bought for me because he thought they were pretty.  So I’m unlikely to ever be asked this question, however, I would probably reply “Why so many ties?”  BECAUSE THEY’RE PRETTY.  Simple.

My wife chats about our sex life with her friends.  How can she do that?

It’s not just our sex life we talk about with our friends; it’s everything.  But let’s be clear: this is only with my closest friends.  Not every woman at work.  And why do I do it?  Because it’s reassuring to know that your husband isn’t the only one who sometimes leaves all his clothes on the sofa when he gets home from work, or leaves his towels in random places instead of hanging them back up.  It gives us a relaxing sense of normalcy, which is important when we’re trying to make sense of confusing menfolk.

Vampires? Really?

Nope.  Don’t do it for me at all.  Next question.

Do you think we don’t know it’s a padded bra?

I know you know it’s a padded bra, and I know you love the cleavage and squishiness anyway.

How can a woman hold it together for everyone else, but have such a short fuse with her husband?

Our homes are supposed to be our safehouses.  When we come home from work, especially after a crappy day, we know we can vent to you and tell you all our fears and anger and you won’t judge us.  We’re pretty sure the rest of the world would judge us, but not you, because we know you love us.  We also know we can snap at you a little bit when you haven’t done the dishes after you said you would, and then instantly forgive you because we love you so damn much.

Why do you buy uber-healthy food that you’re not going to eat?

Maybe I’m not eating it because you’re not supportive enough!  Did you ever think about that?  Huh?  HUH?  I know you say I’m pretty but I still think I’m fat!  But seriously, if your lady is trying to eat better and you constantly make remarks about that weird new things she’s eating, you’re A) creating more food issues and B) making her feel uncomfortable trying new things.  Shut up, she’s a big girl, she can eat whatever she wants and maybe you should take an interest.  She may be trying to subtly tell you that she can practically see your arteries clogging up and would like to try and get an extra 10 – 20 years out of your relationship.

Size does matter, doesn’t it?

You know how when I complain that I’m over my goal weight by 10lbs and you say that you still think I’m gorgeous?  Yeah, it’s like that.  It totally matters, but only a little, and we’d rather not deal with the emotional fallout from telling you it matters.  We’d rather just have sex.

Why is it so hard to talk women into sex?

If you’re trying to talk a woman into sex, you’re already doing it wrong.  If your lady isn’t in the mood, and you don’t know what turns her on, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not start wildly groping her or nagging her.  Here’s a brief list of things to try and tell her you’re in the mood and paying attention to what she wants: Light a few candles, give her a random foot massage, pour her a nice drink, rub her shoulders.  If none of those work, she might just not want to have sex.  If you’re married, she probably has a different list of things she likes; I don’t know, and if you don’t either by now, you’ve got bigger problems.

Why won’t you admit The Notebook is a lousy film?

Never seen it.  Apparently I am only half a woman.

P.S.  Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

Image unapologetically yoinked from justhappyquotes.com

Image unapologetically yoinked from justhappyquotes.com

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